rackliffelikespurplesshowfandomcom-20200214-history
The New Guy
The season 2 premiere of Show! Enjoy! Script *(Rack, NH, US and Rig are getting off the plane.) *'US': Finally! I needed my butt groove back! *(US stretches.) *'NH': I must say I was mildly uncomfortable in those seats. *'Rig': Those seats made my butt feel funny. *'Rack': I will admit those seats were not comfortable, but at least we're home. *(The four walk to US's office.) *'Dep. Mayor': Miss US! Are you okay?! Did someone shoot you, attack you, bite you, anything?! *'US': Chill bro. Someone did bite me, but I bit 'em back with my strong teeth. I can defend myself. *'Dep. Mayor': Good. 'Cause I was so worried! Also, how come you didn't bring me along? *'Rack': There wasn't enough roo-. *'US': Because you're boring. *(Rack hits US with his shoulder.) *'US': Is that a challenge?! *(US karate chops Rack's head.) *'Rack': Ow............ *'US': Piece of cake. *'Dep. Mayor': Oh......... well, let's get back with our lives........ *(Later. NH and Rig are walking on the street.) *'NH': Hm, I'm wondering what our plan this time should be.......... *'Rig': I like potatoes. *'NH': Hm......... Huh! What are these?! *(NH notices two top hats, mustaches and monocles.) *'NH': (Evilly smiles): Excellent. *'Rig': Egg salad? That gives me the pooties! *'NH': Be quiet. *'Rig': Okie dokie! *(Rig stands still.) *'NH': Anyway...... time to devise a plan! *(NH leaves.) *(Rig is still still.) *'Rig': I gotta go pootie. *(NH comes back, carrying her.) *(Cut to US. She's sitting in her office. The Dep. Mayor then comes in.) *'Dep. Mayor': Ma'am, we have a problem. *'US': What? *'Dep. Mayor': (Reading paper): It says here the entire education budget was spent on................. bacon. *(US whistles and leaves her office, and comes back in.) *'US': Wait, this is my office. Get out. There will be no more discussion of this. *'Dep. Mayor': Okay Miss US....... (Takes paper off, revealing mustache) *'US': MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL VIRGIN EYES! *'Dep. Mayor': But you're preg-. *'US': Virgin! Get that hairy worm out of my face! Do you want my eyes to bleed?! *'Dep. Mayor': I think it's cute, but fine then! *(The Dep. Mayor leaves.) *'US': It's okay eyes. The hairy worm is gone now. *(Cut back to NH. He is now wearing a mustache, top hat and a monocle.) *'NH': I must say, I'm devilishly handsome with a mustache. Now, where did Rig go? *(NH searches for Rig.) *'NH': Where is that nincompoop? *(A human walks by.) *(NH hides in a bush.) *'Rig': Hi people! *(NH grabs her by his hand and the two are in a bush.) *'NH': Rig, what are you doing?! *'Rig': Makin' tire pie! Want some? *'NH': No! I meant, don't do that around humans! They'll notice you and ruin the mission! *'Rig': I have no idea what you just said. Want some tire pie? And how come you have a mustache, top hat and a monocle? *'NH': It's because, we're going incognito. *'Rig': Alright, but how are we gonna get into a cog that says "neat-o"? *'NH': No! I'm saying, we're going to be in disguise! *'Rig': Oh, okie dokie! Do you have another pair of that stuff? *'NH': Yerp. Here you go. *(NH gives Rig the other mustache, top hat and monocle. Rig quickly puts it on.) *'Rig': Yay, I'm a man! *'NH': Mm....... *'Rig': What should our names be? *'NH': Eh, I'll think of mine later. *'Rig': I'll be Steve! *'NH': You do that. So, I'll be a fancy nudist doctor and be of royalty, while you'll be my fancy nudist assistant nurse and royal subject and jester. *'Rig': I'm not any of those things though. *'NH': Is Steve any of them then? *'Rig': Hm, let me talk to him. *(Rig whispers to herself.) *(NH facepalms.) *'Rig': Okay, I talked to Steve, and he says he is all of that. *'NH': Perfect. Now, let's start our perfect plan. *(Cut back to US.) *(Rack comes in.) *'Rack': Hey US! *'US': GAH! MY EYES! RACLK, SHAVE THAT HAIRY WORM OFF NOW! *'Rack': Why? I don't want to shave off Rack Jr........ *'US': I don't care! Just burn that thing or something! *(The Dep. Mayor comes in.) *'Dep. Mayor': Miss US, the-. *'US': MY EYES! Guys, get out and stay out until you shave those hairy worms off! *'Rack & Dep. Mayor': FINE! *(Rack and the Dep. Mayor leave.) *(Cut to NH and Rig. Rack bumps into NH.) *'Rack': Oh, sorry. Let me help you. *'NH': I'm fine. *'Rack': Huh, you look a lot like NH. *'NH': NH? Who's NH? *'Rack': My doggoe. He looks a lot like you. *'NH': Nooooo. NH doesn't have a mustache. *'Rack': Still, you do seem a lot like doggie. *'NH': Dog? *'Rack': Yep. *'NH': I have no idea who you're talking about. *'Rack': Are you sure? You're a lot like him. *'NH': You must have me confused with someone else. *'Rack': Well, who are you? *'NH': I am.... um....eh.....hmm... I am Sir Majesty lord Baron Duke Doctor Mr. Howard Max XXI and a fifth. *'Rack': That's quite a name. *'NH': That's just a nickname. *'Rack': I see. Nice mustache. *'NH': Thanks, I bought it at the....... I mean, I grew it. *'Rack': Hm, I'm still wondering how you look a lot like doggie. *'NH': I don't know. *'Rack': Well, I should check on my washing machine, bye! *(Rack leaves.) *'NH': Perfect, this plan is working perfectly! I can taste it! *'Rig': What does it taste like? Pie? *'NH': Forget it. Let's find a hospital and royal chairs. *(Cut back to US.) *'US': (wearing goggles): These should protect me from these hairy worms. *(NH and Rig get into her office.) *'US': AGH! MY EYES ARE RUINED! SHOO! GO AWAY! *'NH': I'm sorry to trouble you mayor, but where is the nearest hospital and shop? Us fancy nudists need to do our jobs. *'US': I don't know just get out! *'NH': Well. Come on, Steve, let's just look around town. *'Rig': Okie dokie NH! *(NH facepalms.) *(NH and Rig leave.) *(Rack comes in.) *'Rack': Hey US. *'US': Raclk, what did I tell you? Until you shave that hairy worm off, you can't get in my office. *'Rack': He's not a hairy worm! He's Rack Jr.! *'US': Fine, you can stay. Just, stay where you are. *'Rack': Uh, okay........... *'US': Anyway, I must vent with you. *'Rack': What's wrong? *'US': These two fancy new guys came in my office, and they're nudists! They were looking for a hospital and a shop for some reason. I mean, it's bad enough they're naked and gross, but they have MUSTACHES! I already hate them! *'Rack': Come on, US. Nudists are really nice people. And mustaches are cute! Especially Rack Jr.! Just give them a chance. *'US': Oh no.......... YOU'RE ONE OF THEM! GET OUT AND STAY OUT! *(US literally kicks Rack out.) *'Rack': Ow.......... I wonder what's gotten into her lately....... *(Cut to NH and Rig. A montage plays of the two venturing through the city, trying to find a hospital and a shop.) *'Woman': Ugh! Those nudists are disgusting! *'NH': (Moves monocle around): Deal with it. *'"Woman"': (Sounds like a guy): You seem a little too feminine for a guy. *'Rig': You seem a little too manly for a girl. *'"Woman"': Crap! She found out! *'NH': I found them! Huh. Who knew they would put a hospital and a shop next to each other? *(Shows the hospital and shop next to each other.) *'NH': We'll go to the shop first. I want to be of (Rolling tongue) royalty. *'Rig': I don't think I can do that. *'NH': Let's just get inside. *(The two get inside the shop.) *'NH': Get out of the way humans, Sir Majesty lord Baron Duke Doctor Mr. Howard Max XXI and a fifth coming through! *'Rig': And Steve too! *(The two go on a montage of looking for a royal chair.) *(NH finds one in the "Royal" section.) *'NH': Who knew? *'Rig': NH, I got ice cream, pie, cake, brownies, pizza and piggies! *'NH': RIG! We came for the sole purpose of getting a Royal chair! *'Rig': Oh, okie dokie. *(Rig eats all the food she mentioned.) *'Rig': Mm......... So, how much for it? *'NH': Who cares? Let's just steal it! *'Rig': Oh, NH, stealing's not okay. *'NH': I'm evil. 'Nuff said. *'Rig': Fine, let's go. *(NH and Rig leave the store.) *'NH': Now, let's go into the hospital. *(NH and Rig go into the hospital.) *(NH and Rig go to the secretary's desk.) *'NH': Where is the admission for doctors and nurses? *(The secretary points to where.) *(NH and Rig go there.) *'NH': It is I, Sir Majesty lord-eh, forget it. Anyway, I'm here now. *'Person': Good. Do you want some scrubs? *'NH': No, I'll take my chances. I'd rather be, nude. One with Mother Nature, you know? *'Person': Uh, okay....... and you? *'Rig': I'm Steve! His assistant nurse! *'Person': Would you like scrubs? *'Rig': Nah, Steve's a nudist. *'Person': Okay then......... *(NH and Rig go into their doctor's office.) *'Rig': Ooh, what are these things? *'NH': Rig, don't touch them! Those are for the patients. *'Rig': I'm very patient. *(NH facepalms.) *(Rig uses a blood pressure cuff on her head and she keeps pressing the button to make it tighter.) *'NH': Rig! Take that off! *'Rig': Nah. Whoa, I feel heavy. *(Rig hits all of the tools in the office and her head is entirely flat.) *'NH': Well, looks like I was right about you having a flat head. *'Rig': (muffled): Yep. *(A person comes in.) *'NH': Ooh, my first patient! *'Man': Hey, doc. Do you like my pants? *'NH': Don't you know? Pants are demons! *'Man': Huh? *'NH': They will inflame your entire body, shut down your organs, muscles, heart and brain! They will kill you quite quickly! If you want to live, rip them off! *'Man': Whoa, I never knew that! (Rips them off) Thanks for saving me, doc! I feel better already! *'NH': It's what I do. Also, I recommend you being a nudist. Those itchy clothes won't bother you anymore and you'll feel a sweet breeze. *'Man': Okay doc! *'NH': But, please, do it when you get home. *'Man': Alright. *(The Man leaves.) *'NH': Well, that's enough patients for today. Rig, let's live the royal life. *'Rig': Okie dokie! *(NH and Rig leave the hospital.) *(Later. NH is in his royal chair and Rig is entertaining him.) *'NH': Ah, perfect butt groove. Now, jester, amuse me! *'Rig': Okie dokie! Knock knock! *'NH': Who's there? *'Rig': Manure! *'NH': Manure who? *'Rig': Manure stupid! *(Rig laughs and slaps her knee.) *'NH': (has a very angry face): Do another joke like that, and you're fired! *'Rig': When was I hired? *'NH': That's it! You're fired! *'Rig': Aw, play time's over already? *(NH is mumbling unintelligible words.) *'NH': I'm bored. Let's ruin the mayor's eyes with our mustaches! *'Rig': Aw, I like US. *'NH': I don't care! Let's do it! *'Rig': Fine......... *(Cut to US's office.) *'US': They better not get back in....... *(The Dep. Mayor comes in.) *'US': GAH! *(Rack comes in.) *'US': UGH! *(NH and Rig come in.) *'US': GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Okay, that's it! Now, take these hairy worms off your mouths! *(US rips off Rack's first.) *'Rack': Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Rack Jr.! *(Rack goes on the ground in pain.) *(US rips off the Dep. Mayor's.) *'Dep. Mayor': Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *(The Dep. Mayor also goes on the ground in pain.) *(US rips off NH's mustache.) *'NH' Uh, I was never here. *(NH runs away.) *(Finally, US rips off Rig's mustache.) *'Rig': Aw, dress up's over already? I wanted to be a man longer....... *'US': Ah, perfect, now my precious beautiful virgin eyes are healed. Now, to write up a law banning them. *(US starts writing up said law.) *(Later. It shows a paper saying "MUSTACHES OFFICIALLY BANNED IN USVILLE.) *'?????': What happened to my top hat, mustache and monocle? *'?????': Yeah, what happened to mine? *'?????': We can't be fancy nudists without those......... *(They search for their things.) *'THE END'. Credits Starring *Rackliffelikespurple as Rack *New Heathera as NH *Utter solitude as US *Rigbybestie1510 as Rig *People as People Writing *Written by: Rackliffelikespurple, New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 Thanks To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters. Other I think this was a perfect season premiere. Well, I hope you enjoyed it! :D Category:Episodes